What the heck is Junkanoo?

It's Christmas in the Bahamas! And, it's amazing! It can be compared to a Mardi Gras or Carnival parade and it's totally unique to the Bahamas (which I now like to call the 'Hamas for short ... even though the locals do not). They hold the street festival twice per year, December 26th and January 1st.

The parade consists of several different junkanoo groups that compete for cash prizes and dates back to the days of slavery. Each junkanoo group is made up of a number of "rushers". Each rusher wears a costume, some of which more resemble floats, that he/she must be able to power on his/her own. Only recently did officials change the rules to allow the use of wheels on a float. Motors are not allowed. Each group is judged as a whole and prizes are awarded after the second parade on January 1st.

The costumes are so extravagent. I have never seen anything like it before. They are made mostly of crepe paper, feathers and sequins. Oh yeah, and alot of Christmas balls. I can't even come close to describing how intricate these costumes are. They are breathtaking when a group of 2500 come marching down the road dancing to a giant marching band.

Check out this rusher ... there is a man in there, I swear!

Christmas in the Bahamas is awesome! The people are so friendly (with the exception of the other tourists) and they love to celebrate! I highly recommend it. Not to mention, it's a helluva lot warmer than Canada!

The Office Gift Exchange

*** SHUDDER ***

Why has the office gift exchange become a tradition? And, why does it always have to be for only $10!?! What are you supposed to buy for only $10 that appeals to men and women of any age?

I bought wine. Somebody else bought wine. Somebody took a ridiculous photo of themselves in a Santa hat and put it in a frame. Just what *everyone* wants to see on her desk everyday. There was a gift certificate, a ninja movie and a bunch of chocolates.

But, seriously, I never buy wine for less than $12.61. That is the cheapest bottle I ever buy. It's Lindeman's Bin 65 Chardonnay. I like it. It's cheapish. And, it's a good standby to have in the fridge. I couldn't even buy that with the $10 restriction.

I had to buy something that I have never tried before. I have no idea if it is actually good. I felt uncomfortable with that. I stressed about it. I tried to think of something other than wine. I couldn't. I splurged and spent $1.95 on a bag and bow to wrap it with. After I bought the wine, I thought of a movie gift certificate. But, $10 doesn't even cover admission. I suppose it might buy popcorn.

After the fact, I thought of a lottery ticket. One of those fancy ones ... that comes in the foil wrapper. That seems like a good gift to me. For $10, you get the *chance* to win $1 million. Or a car. A fancy car. That would be fun! That would be the most exciting Christmas party ever!

<note to self>
Remember to buy fancy lottery scratch ticket for next year's gift exchange.
</note to self>

Yeah. I am glad that's over. I mean I like my coworkers and all. But, I have a hard enough time finding *the perfect* gift for my friends and family.

Blended Weiners

Alright. Somebody please explain this to me. Imagine ...

You have just broken your jaw in a car accident. You are facing 8-10 weeks of liquified dinners with your mouth wired shut. Your doctor recommends that you make sure you are getting plenty of nutrients, lots of calories and protein to help your bones heal and prevent you from losing too much weight. Then he gives you a cookbook. The cookbook has recipes such as:

VEGETABLES
1/2 cup mashed potato + 1/4 cup gravy + 1/2 cup milk

Ok. This is a gravy milkshake. I realize there are some extra calories in the gravy. But, potatoes?? Ummm, don't tell the Irish this one, but, you can't live on potatoes. You'll end up with scurvy or ricketts or something. Moving on, we have dinner suggestions ...

Yum.
Weiners with baked beans thinned with V-8 juice.

I wouldn't be caught dead eating this. Let alone blending it and drinking it. Blended weiners. The ultimate in revolting.

Fruit Drink
1 banana or 1 portion canned fruit
Lettuce - 1 large leaf
2/3 cup fruit juice - grapefruit, orange or pineapple

Ok. This one sounds alright. I actually tried it and it tastes pretty good. I recommend fresh squeezed juice. But, somebody, please explain the lettuce leaf? Please?

BAND-AID^® Adhesive Is Itchy. It Itches.

I burnt myself. I was roasting chicken. I reached into the oven without pulling out the bottom rack. The top rack attacked my arm just above my oven mitt. I burnt myself.

It hurt when it happened. I ran my arm under cold water for a while. It felt better until I took it out from under the water. I stuck a slice of cucumber on it. It felt better. Sticking a slice of cucumber on a burn is not a recommended medical treatment. But, it did make it feel better. Later it turned into a blister. A blister indicates a second degree burn. It hurt when it happened.

BAND-AID^® adhesive is itchy. It itches. I put a BAND-AID^® and some Life Brand antibacterial ointment on my burn. The burn looks grody but feels normal. I have two red puffy patches on either side of the burn from the adhesive on my BAND-AID^®. BAND-AID^® adhesive is itchy. It itches.

=(

This just in...

I have discovered the secret to merging (into traffic) in Saskatchewan.

For a full explanation of this mystical process, send $1 c/o "Happy Dude", Pawlychenko Lane, Saskatoon.

Alternatively, I would tell you to submit your inquiries on fatpaulie.com but Paul's question-asking-thingy doesn't work and he is too busy getting paid to blog on other sites to fix it :) So stay tuned, because you never know when fatpaulie.com will experience a hostile take over by little ol' bloggin' me....

Lastly and totally unrelated... OokieOokie has totally cute santa pins. GET YOURS TODAY! (this has been an unpaid endorsement brought to you by my computer)